Bonvallet

You are a collection of astral dust, a lump of atoms and molecules. You're one person in the world. That world is but a spec in that solar system. That solar system is just a blip of light in the galaxy, and that galaxy is but an ever shrinking mass of particles, doomed to collapse in on itself and implode into another universe. And here we all are, all so worthless and pointless, hustling and bustling on about our lives that will ultimately result in absolutely nothing. Trying to prove ourselves, trying to leave a legacy. But to who? To what? In the grand scheme of things, nothing we are capable of will matter.

The farther you zoom out, the more your perspective changes. You can step back and really observe how frivolous life really is.

However.

You may be just a bunch of atoms stuck together; but you're a mass of atoms that knows it's a mass of atoms. How many things in the universe have that knowledge? Instead of limiting our view of the world with current events, TV shows, celebrities and distractions of social media; we should learn to step back and think about the universe. With these thoughts comes a sense of peace and calmness. However, one could get lost in this expanse of relative size which is why some people put a threshold on it.

That threshold can be whatever you want, but it is this threshold that allows us to have purpose; without a goal in sight, beginning is incredibly daunting. Some call it God. Is there anything wrong with an idea that makes you feel important? That makes you feel accepted and loved? It is when that idea chokes down on one's ability to really wonder that limits his or her imagination. Purpose and Wonder go hand in hand. Be encouraged to continue exploring the unanswered questions in your mind. Never rule out something because you think it limits you, and never rule out possibilities because they are beyond your threshold. When these two ideas respect each other, the revolution of the mind can take place and humans can truly accomplish the impossible.

P.S. That was incredibly preachy. HERP UNIVERSE GOD PHILOSOPHY DERP. I blame my friend Rosco for making my rusty mind gears start turning late into the night when I start sounding INSANE.

Just watch it. youtu.be/_TBd-UCwVAY

I pretty much exploded into tears.

I heard a man preach on my subway car this evening. What he had to say bothered me a bit:

"Jesus is coming. He told me. 
Your husbands will all die. 
Other men pray for their death every night. 
You need a good man. 
A good husband. 
A good husband buy his woman a new car every year. 
A good husband buy his woman a new house every five years.
At the end of every month he put the paycheck on the kitchen table. 

God bless, folks."

Not only is he claiming to have heard words from Jesus, he is using this fact as leverage to have others listen to his words, which go against not only Jesus's beliefs, but my own. Jesus said you should give everything you earn and own to others who need it more. I'm pretty sure this means not buying new cars and houses all the time for one person. Jesus never enslaved or talked down to anyone. This man on the train spoke down on women using words of fear and hatred, saying that a man needed to provide for them if he did not want to be, "prayed to death." That a woman is a thing that, with enough money, cars, and houses, can also be 'owned.'

This isn't something that really upsets me (you can't let everything get to you), but I did want to see what others thought about it. Leave a comment with your view of the man's words. 

Basic details about me are that I'm a skinny, 20 year old, white boy with brown hair, carrying a canvas messenger bag on my way home.

I was riding the F train north into Manhattan by myself at about 11:25PM. At night, I always make sure to ride in train-cars that have the most amount of people in them for safety reasons; this particular car had about 15 people in it. We passed a few stations and I was planning on getting off at Herald Square. To transfer to another train. As we stopped at a station about 6 stops away from Herald Square, I saw a grizzled looking homeless guy walk by the train and look into the window. I didn't pay much attention to him and I remember thinking to myself, "I hope he doesn't get on this train..." He continues walking by the window and down the platform until he's out of my line of sight. I think, "Phew."

As the train starts rolling again, about 1 minute goes by as the train is in motion and then the doors that connect the subway cars slide open and I look up. Here comes the grizzled hobo man. As he slowly walks through the subway car getting closer to me and I think, "Please don't sit near me..." He continues his trek across the floor of the subway car and then plops down directly across from me and begins staring at me. I immediately break eye contact and look casually around the train. A minute goes by and he's still staring right at me. At this point I'm completely tense and worried about what he may be doing.

Suddenly, he stands up and grabs the center pole between myself and him. He steadies himself and then walks over to the edge of my seat near the door (I was sitting at the end of a bench seat next to the exit doors). I continue to avoid eye contact as he stands over me; I remained paralyzed with fear and paranoia about what the hell he's doing. This is not what normal people do on the subway. I internally beg him to stop freaking me out and then...

He sits down right next to me so his leg is touching against my messenger bag and into my leg. At this point I am completely and utterly freaked out. I'm running through scenarios in my head of what I will need to do soon- should I stand up and change seats? Should I say something? Should I wait? Should I leave the train at the next stop? What is he doing? Is he trying to pick-pocket me? Is he trying to do something physical or hurt me? Should I shout at him to leave me alone and get away?

I decide that at the next stop, I'm going to get off the train and act like it's my stop. I'll be completely normal and cool about it. The stop comes and the train slows at the platform. Once the doors open I wait half a second and then casually stand up to leave. As I'm walking toward the exit door, I see his reflection stand up behind me from the subway's window.

I figure, "Okay, so he's getting off too, no big deal, if I dash back onto the train, he should have the common sense not to follow me back on again and I'll leave him at the platform." I quickly exit the subway, turn left, run two doors down, and then swiftly move back into the subway car (same car as before, just further down). I sit down and put my head down in hopes that he won't notice me.

The doors start to close and I start to feel relief. Then an arm slides through the closing doors. The man is forcing the doors back open and the automated subway alert warns everyone to stand clear of the closing doors. He continues to fight with the doors and then they open back up again. He enters the subway, looks around, spots me, and starts to walk toward me.

And then another man sitting in the train stands up. "You need to get off the train. Now." He yells loudly at the hobo. My heart is pounding with adrenaline and I'm frozen in place. This guy is pretty big and has a thick Brooklyn accent. He pushes the hobo back out through the doors as they're closing but the hobo keeps an arm inside, fighting to stay in. My protector continues to firmly shout at the hobo, "You're getting off the train. You need to get off the train NOW! I will smash you up so bad- GET OFF THE TRAIN NOW!" He continues pushing the hobo out until finally, the doors slide shut.

We pull away from the platform, my heart spasming as the adrenaline makes its way through my whole system. The New Yorker sits back down, shaking his head. I stare at him for a moment and we make eye contact, I say, "Thank you. Thank you," and he just nods back at me.

To the man who noticed what was happening, stood up for me, and protected me in a situation that could have become extremely unpredictable or even violent; Thank you!

tl;dr I was riding a subway home when a hobo got on the train, sat closer and closer and closer to me until we were side by side and then followed me off the train. I ran back onto the train and the hobo forced his way in even though the doors were closing only to be pushed back out of the train by a different subway rider with a thick Brooklyn accent.

I'm moving there. I'll be living in Queens and taking the subway into Manhattan for a graphic design internship position at Madison Square Garden.

Wuff.